I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
