Don't you send me to vm
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
