she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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