I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
