God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
