Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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