I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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