Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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