just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
