what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
