keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
