Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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