Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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