Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
