you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
