We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
