She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
