Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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