she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
