Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
