Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
