I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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