just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
