So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
