Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
