he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
