just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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