i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
