Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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