Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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