I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize