Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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