Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Everything about him screamed your future.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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