I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
