The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
