you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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