What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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