You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
there is glitter all over my balls
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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