I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
