Soap is not a condiment
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
