i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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