My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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