You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
