My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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