I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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