it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
