Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
