you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
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