with your own penis?
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
