I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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