I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
This is my gift to your gina
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
