I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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