Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
