Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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