Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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