Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize