All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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