awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
