Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
