I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
