Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
