I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
