whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm really busy with my period
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