In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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