State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
