I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
