so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i drank out of a bidet.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
