is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
