you traded sex for a burrito?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
