I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
