there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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