Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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