So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
