Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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