I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
