yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
