covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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