i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
