I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
