Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
