Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
