So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
