This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
