Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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