Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
