I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
