bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
