Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
