I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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