belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
