I'm drive I can fine osifer
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize