I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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