PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
