Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
