I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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