everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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