Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
