What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
