summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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