Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
