she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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