paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize