If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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