he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
