Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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