Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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