Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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