Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
