He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
