You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
