I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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