No awkward lesbian experiences without me
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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