I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
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