In the future we'll all be gay
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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