I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
