Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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