Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
