There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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