i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
