At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
