I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
